Aug. 27th: The Hooligan Hash Redux Number 1256

Note – some or all of this account may or not not be true

The start for this most excellent hash was at Graves Park in Norcross. As the hashers gathered and began stretching rigorously, led by BBB using a ballet barre (yes that’s the way it’s spelled folks) that he brought – Star Ho approached with mud all the way up to her Tatooine sand dunes. This should have served as a warning to the wise; however many would fall to the lure of the swamp (neither Guinea nor Gravy, but a real, nasty swamp.) Yoron, the cohare, was giggling maniacally as the pack feared the worst and then immediately got distracted by the bird and forgot to fear. Then the hash was off. At one point early on a large mob of angry apartment children surrounded us and at the moment that our amygdalae were poised to either fight or flight the children shouted at us “is this a running game or something?” and quickly dispersed after we said “yeah, sorta” and the hashers and the child tribe exchanged cultural pleasantries in the form of the universal high five and there was much mutual understanding. Later, we approached the Sarlacc pit of a swamp: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf_4R5SLPdM. Many were punished and received their just desserts. Clearly the list of those who got stuck reveals a severe lack of moral rectitude that deserved punishment; you could tell by the fact that they got stuck. Among them were such derelicts as Chew Chew My Caboose, Afterbirth, Ass We Go, Double Suck and Just Britnay. However, Double Suck was saved from a certain yet slow, thousand-year digestion by Stupid is as Stupid Does, who despite his name was intelligent enough to just walk around the side, as were his fellow Puritans and pilgrims on their holy quest for the glorious FN. Creeks were enjoyed by all, yadda yadda yadda, they saw the FN, which stands for Footy Near. Some people still didn’t get it. They didn’t understand what “footy” is. The pack continued on and ended up at a practice field. Some hashers were strongly encouraged to hose down at the stadium while several of the younger staff leered on. After reaching hash-appropriate cleanliness, i.e. not that close to godliness, they continued to the end, joining the rest of the pack, rabble rousers and bimbos. The bimbos were Psychedelic Pussy and Smirnoff Trail and a requisite BBB. Just Angela had the gall to be FBI. Piggy was FRB after probably short-cutting the hell out of it.) Despite trying very hard to be DFL, Wrong Jeremy was outlasted by Hired Snatch. During circle, Fuckeye was honored for heroics in defending Heart Shaped Box from ROUS’s with no more than a pocket knife and pride. Just Nick was recognized for being a virgin to the hash. Swamp Guinea was FRB to the grill; closely followed by Vegetative State; Mighty Mouth and his friends were grill DFLs due to their archaic method of grilling with coals. Shade was provided by a long-lost hasher named Barney Fucker who has apparently left us to lead Westside 109 and says he has hasn’t missed a game in the past 15 years. We knew the game would be starting soon when we heard a singer practicing the Star Spangled Banner. Many moseyed, many tarried to the game -- probably 80 percent attended the game. Yoron was initiated into Westside 109 by ritualistic face painting and a secret ceremony. He waved the Silverback flag with much pride. It was a close game, with a score of 2 to 2 in the 75th minute of the game. The home team showed much promise against the challenging opponent. Monkey in the Muff and others voiced their strong disapproval of the refette, with such lines as “YOU ARE AN IDIOT!” Monkey Muff showed a surprising amount of vitriol and deep rage. In the end, the refette was the MVP of the opposing team -- having been directly responsible for their winning goal and insurance goal. Final score was 4 to 2. While the Silverbacks lost, the jovial hashers did not let it crush their spirits. Barney has not lost hope nor spirit nor drum enthusiasm and vows to return for another 15 years of games.

Submitted for your approval by Double Suck and Ass We Go